How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
