my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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