Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
