It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
