So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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