I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
