Is it normal to miss your booty call?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
