Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
