In the future we'll all be gay
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
