Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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