I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize