1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm too high and old for this...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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