god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
that's an acceptable place to lick
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
