he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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