I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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