I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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