i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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