Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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