He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
