the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
