She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize