Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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