"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
