using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
