I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
