there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
