I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize