apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
