He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
