College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
