Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
