I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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