I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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