Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
