What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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