I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
