alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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