Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And then my night got REAL pukey
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
