OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
