You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize