i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My life is pants optional.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
