so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize