Pants 0. Shit 1.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
