You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
