More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
