Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So many bounce houses so little time
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
