just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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