Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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