Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
