My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
