So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
