I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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