God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
