My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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