Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
