i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
