Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Are my feet made of real feet?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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