Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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