You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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