I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
