The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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