i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
