I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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