Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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