i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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