if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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