Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
