Do vagina's smell?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
