Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
