Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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