I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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