she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize