my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
how drunk are you?
Several
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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