well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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