Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I need moral support for this bender
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
