That's when you crack a 10am beer
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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