You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
