Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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