Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
