READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
