Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
