Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Mom said you looked used
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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