do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
