3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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