when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
