So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
