im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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