He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
