and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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