So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
