bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
