Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
