we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
