You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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