hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize