I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
