Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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